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les marteaux 7:44 Sat Aug 30
New Limerick Thread

Same as before

The football we play to be blunt
Is to most West Ham fans an affront

Helmut Shown 12:14 Thu May 2
Re: New Limerick Thread

A mad knife man isn't much fun,
In the US would have been a gun
But Trump and his friends
And other bellends
Biggest cunts under the sun

How much will the Russians take
To end our Moyes heartache

arsene york-hunt 9:43 Wed May 1
Re: New Limerick Thread

The problem of age is you see
You get up all hours for a pee,
And much more unlucky,
No more fucky-fucky,
Hard, your dick wil ne'er again be.

A mad knife man isn't much fun,
In theUS would have been a gun

Hello Mrs. Jones 7:44 Wed May 1
Re: New Limerick Thread

A white man in Hainault went mad,
And sadly he killed a young lad
Its normal I'm choosing
Some words most amusing
But in this case it's really quite sad

The problem of age is you see
You get up all hours for a pee

Mike Oxsaw 6:59 Wed May 1
Re: New Limerick Thread

There was a young man from Rye,
Had a big wart on his jap's eye.
Some Carbolic soap
Was his only hope
Don't know if it works, worth a try.

A white man in Hainault went mad,
And sadly he killed a young lad.

arsene york-hunt 5:37 Wed May 1
Re: New Limerick Thread

Did I, perhaps, ever mention
The poster demanding attention?
It's a football website,
Just ignore all that shite.
It shouldn't rate your apprehension.

There was a young man from Rye,
Had a big wart on his jap's eye

Mike Oxsaw 10:17 Tue Apr 30
Re: New Limerick Thread

When I think about it, I cringe
Stuck my finger up her mother's minge
I must have been mad!
In front of her dad?
No wonder she started to whinge.

Did I, perhaps, ever mention
The poster demanding attention?

arsene york-hunt 9:45 Tue Apr 30
Re: New Limerick Thread

Her bottom was deliciously pert
quite visible from under her skirt
I obswerved her affairs,
When she went up some stairs
And my eyes, I could not avert.

When I think about it, I cringe
Stuck my finger up her mother's minge

Hello Mrs. Jones 6:34 Tue Apr 30
Re: New Limerick Thread

He thought he'd first have a bash,
At licking his new girl friend's gash
But his labial kiss
Tasted strongly of piss
It was clear she'd just had a slash


Her bottom was deliciously pert
quite visible from under her skirt

arsene york-hunt 5:29 Tue Apr 30
Re: New Limerick Thread

Amongst east european fruit pickers
The ladies keep cool with no knickers,
But the smell from their crutch,
Can be just far too much,
The farmers put up warning stickers.

He thought he'd first have a bash,
At licking his new girl friend's gash

Helmut Shown 4:26 Tue Apr 30
Re: New Limerick Thread

The best quiz host seen on your screen,
Bradley Walsh or perhaps Hughie Green
Michael Miles from Take Your Pick
Quizzed people who were thick
Shit telly has become the routine

Amongst east european fruit pickers
The ladies keep cool with no knickers

arsene york-hunt 7:26 Tue Apr 30
Re: New Limerick Thread

I hope that all that sitting at trials
Gives Trump a bad case of the piles
And Sturgeon should be sick,
(If) her cell-mate has a dick,*
Which would get alround lots of smiles.

*Paraphrased from a song by Dominic Frisby.

The best quiz host seen on your screen,
Bradley Walsh or perhaps Hughie Green

Hello Mrs. Jones 3:31 Tue Apr 30
Re: New Limerick Thread

A bloke that I know called Danny,
Picked up a really old granny
But he wasn't a looney
Like our old friend Rooney
And stayed well clear of her fanny

I hope that all that sitting at trials
Gives Trump a bad case of the piles

arsene york-hunt 10:03 Mon Apr 29
Re: New Limerick Thread

While preparing for a visit downstairs
I noticed some crabs in her hairs,
I applied lots of foam
Scraped them out with a comb,
Then availed myself of her wares.

A bloke that I know called Danny,
Picked up a really old granny.

Hello Mrs. Jones 6:43 Mon Apr 29
Re: New Limerick Thread

Hello Mrs Jones and Helmut Shown
The most romantic poets I've known
I find my best inspiration
Is after excessive libation
Or while taking a dump on the throne

While preparing for a visit downstairs
I noticed some crabs in her hairs

arsene york-hunt 6:02 Mon Apr 29
Re: New Limerick Thread

The cunts who watch the VAR screen
Fuck ups are always routine,
Manure, Liverpool,
Come up trumps as a rule,
For the rest it takes off the sheen.

Hello Mrs Jones and Helmut Shown
The most romantic poets I've known,

Helmut Shown 2:00 Mon Apr 29
Re: New Limerick Thread

No fragrant douche could expunge
The foul fishy smell of her clunge
Her fanny so sour
They gave her a shower
With carbolic, Dettol and a sponge

The cunts who watch the VAR screen
Fuck ups are always routine

Hello Mrs. Jones 10:48 Sun Apr 28
Re: New Limerick Thread

There was a young lady from Diss,
Had a ring in her clitoris.
What was even shabbier
Was the stud in her labia
Which was permanently drenched in piss

No fragrant douche could expunge
The foul fishy smell of her clunge

arsene york-hunt 2:32 Sun Apr 28
Re: New Limerick Thread

She stripped off her clothes and stood there,
And the passengers tried not to stare.
Told the Police at Nottingham
"My clothes, I felt hot'in'em,
I'm a nudist and like to be bare."

There was a young lady from Diss,
Had a ring in her clitoris.

Mike Oxsaw 9:15 Sun Apr 28
Re: New Limerick Thread

A new hairstyle with a fringe,
Was how she adorned her minge
But a number 2
Was something quite new
And hided* the fact she was ginge.

She stripped off her clothes and stood there,
And the passengers tried not to stare.


* - sorry!

arsene york-hunt 11:49 Sat Apr 27
Re: New Limerick Thread

While holding her bum cheeks apart.
The girl did a very loud fart,
Between me and you
Not the thing you do,
While attending the d'Oyly Carte.

A new hairstyle with a fringe,
Was how she adorned her minge

Mike Oxsaw 7:40 Sat Apr 27
Re: New Limerick Thread

Its 4.30 and I'm watching my team
Is it real or just a bad dream?
They huff and they toil,
Yet they're still off the boil,
And clearly have run out of steam.

While holding her bum cheeks apart.
The girl did a very loud fart

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